alone in christmas

22 days, 14 hours and 15 minutes till christmas time. but who's counting anyways?

i am! for barely a month its christmas again. time for giving, sharing and loving. whenever i remember that christmas time is coming, it always gives me a sad thought and feeling in my heart that i could not describe, that AGAIN i would be alone this christmas.

there are great things i love to do when its christmas.. opening gifts (well, i barely receive gift but i do open gifts for my parents) and giving gifts to friends to remind them that i remember them on this joyous season, eating foods which are only served during christmas, going to church early in the morning or what you call the 'simbang gabi,' or 9 mornings, the christmas tree 9though we never have one) and the music. these are the usualy stuffs that i look forward to when 'ber' months come. not to mention, we got a long vacation. but the fact, that you got to see the people you barely see on regular days and so as meeting new people who are in vacation.

having this happy thoughts leads me also to the saddest part of my being --- having that special someone on christmas season. im crossing my fingers for the hope that this would be my last christmas 'alone' and no one to hold on. the hateful part of the christmas-is-coming is the thought that im not celebrating it with that special person in my life. i long for that moment where i could spend my christmas with that 'special' someone -- cuddling in the couch talking, while having some wine.. waiting for the 12 midnight and great each other a merry christmas. but this kind of imagination will just give me back to reality that i'm spending christmas alone AGAIN this year. well, literally i'll be alone, coz the person i long to be with is not here beside me to celebrate it since he still wanders around and i haven't found him yet. =(

anyways, i should be happy coz i still have my family whom i'll be spending christmas for the nth time in my life and some friends who will be coming home to spend their christmas here in the province.

but then again, its really different when you spend your christmas with the person you feel that you are connected to for your whole life...with that flesh you long to see when you go home.. and with that only soul that you long to be with every single minute of your life and wish upon the heaven that this would still be the same person who will be on your side for the next christmas that you will be spending for the rest of your life and for your next life...