it never will be
after 3 years, i learned that i wrote a blog about my feelings for him. im pretty sure i won't let him read this or he will have the answer to his question. i was kinda shocked and at the same time laughing while reading this 3 year old blog :)
just bear with the mushiness and all!!
"the truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back"
that's the truth! i know i can never have it whole again. i fell for a guy who turned my world upside down. who inspires me of everything! he was and is my world (i know until now..). i tried to forget him by getting myself busy nor having relationship with other guys, but wherever i go he haunts me. and i dont know the reason why.
i wasn't able to move on or even learn let go from this mess that im for 13 years (to be exact). i don't know where to go or where to start moving forward because he is always been part of me every single day. we may never see each other that often, or get in touch with each other, but the feelings are still there. the same feeling that i felt back in 1995. i seem so stupid for clinging to him even if i know that i can't have him anymore because he is married.
i thought i was able to get it back, when i was able to confirm to my guy friend that i was able to move on from him. but i think i was wrong! a problem had came out again. i dont wanna try to emphasize it but i think im falling for that guy. i should not be falling for him! its a sin! i shouldn't be.. for the reason that he is the younger brother of my 13 year old love. there is no rule that tells us that we can't love brothers but i dont want to happen that to me. and i don't wanna admit that i'm falling for him. maybe because he is giving attention to another gurl which makes me envy and jealous of that time he is giving her.
i can't accept the fact that what my friends told me is TRUE that i could fall for him. that later on and unconsciously i will learn to like him. i admit, i never liked him since then. but he is so sweet! he calls me often (as in often) and talk about things (share problemds and experiences) for loooong hours and after talking in the phone we will start talking over ym or friendster. but that's just it! it was later that i realized that i'm beginning to be jealous of the attention he is giving him to that girl. at first, i thought it was okay.. it was until these past few days that i STOPPED talking to him that im having a 'certain feeling' towards this guy. but GOD knows i tried to stop myself from falling him, but i can't =(
he's looking for me for days now, i know he is worried why i disappear like a bubble and never said a word. he can't call me, i never answered his mails or offline messages. and the worst is, he can't and doesnt wanna go to sleep unless he know what happened to me. the last time we talked, was so fine! we parted with good goodbyes and take cares.
i can't believe that i'm falling for BROTHERS (literally and biologically brothers). im having fears that i may not be able to overcome the feelings i had for the eldest. and just simply fall for the youngest and give him the same feeling that i had given his kuya. im afraid i could never take myself back anymore...
just bear with the mushiness and all!!
"the truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back"
that's the truth! i know i can never have it whole again. i fell for a guy who turned my world upside down. who inspires me of everything! he was and is my world (i know until now..). i tried to forget him by getting myself busy nor having relationship with other guys, but wherever i go he haunts me. and i dont know the reason why.
i wasn't able to move on or even learn let go from this mess that im for 13 years (to be exact). i don't know where to go or where to start moving forward because he is always been part of me every single day. we may never see each other that often, or get in touch with each other, but the feelings are still there. the same feeling that i felt back in 1995. i seem so stupid for clinging to him even if i know that i can't have him anymore because he is married.
i thought i was able to get it back, when i was able to confirm to my guy friend that i was able to move on from him. but i think i was wrong! a problem had came out again. i dont wanna try to emphasize it but i think im falling for that guy. i should not be falling for him! its a sin! i shouldn't be.. for the reason that he is the younger brother of my 13 year old love. there is no rule that tells us that we can't love brothers but i dont want to happen that to me. and i don't wanna admit that i'm falling for him. maybe because he is giving attention to another gurl which makes me envy and jealous of that time he is giving her.
i can't accept the fact that what my friends told me is TRUE that i could fall for him. that later on and unconsciously i will learn to like him. i admit, i never liked him since then. but he is so sweet! he calls me often (as in often) and talk about things (share problemds and experiences) for loooong hours and after talking in the phone we will start talking over ym or friendster. but that's just it! it was later that i realized that i'm beginning to be jealous of the attention he is giving him to that girl. at first, i thought it was okay.. it was until these past few days that i STOPPED talking to him that im having a 'certain feeling' towards this guy. but GOD knows i tried to stop myself from falling him, but i can't =(
he's looking for me for days now, i know he is worried why i disappear like a bubble and never said a word. he can't call me, i never answered his mails or offline messages. and the worst is, he can't and doesnt wanna go to sleep unless he know what happened to me. the last time we talked, was so fine! we parted with good goodbyes and take cares.
i can't believe that i'm falling for BROTHERS (literally and biologically brothers). im having fears that i may not be able to overcome the feelings i had for the eldest. and just simply fall for the youngest and give him the same feeling that i had given his kuya. im afraid i could never take myself back anymore...
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